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Two armed police officers were caught driving along a restricted road... by electronically operated bollards. The bollards, which are designed to only let buses through, rose up under their unmarked BMW 530i. They smashed into their £30,000 patrol car in central Manchester, and were stuck their for two hours, enduring the laughter of passers-by. 

Both officers now face a carpeting from their superiors over their driving escapade amid fears the vehicle could be written off. Council bosses had previously warned that motorists who crash into the bollards could face legal action for causing damage under the Road Traffic Act. 

It is not known whether the two officers were following a bus when the accident occurred. The bollards are designed to lower only when buses and emergency vehicles trigger a sensor which lowers the posts, whilst the bollards rise again immediately after each vehicle has passed. 

One onlooker said: ‘The police officers were absolutely mortified at what happened and were clearly very embarrassed not least because shoppers and other onlookers were laughing at them. One old guy was giving them a lecture about driving properly in Manchester whilst another was shouting “karma” because he got fined the previous weeks for doing a U-turn.’ 

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The English football squad for Euro 2012 has been announced. Shock absentees include Rio Ferdinand, Adam Johnson, Peter Crouch and, in my opinion the best English right back, Micah Richards. Ferdinand was gutted to not have been chosen, although John Terry did and Ferdinand did mention not wanting to play with Terry after he racially abused his brother, Anton. Peter Crouch has the best goalscoring record, in a goals per games played ratio, for England ever. 

Here’s the full squad:

Goalkeepers: 

Joe Hart (Man City)

Robert Green (West Ham)

John Ruddy (Norwich)

Defenders:

Glen Johnson (Liverpool)

Phil Jones (Man United) 

John Terry (Chelsea)

Joleon Lescott (Man City)

Gary Cahill (Chelsea)

Ashley Cole (Chelsea)

Leighton Baines (Everton)

Midfielders:

Theo Walcott (Arsenal)

Stewart Downing (Liverpool)

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal)

Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)

Gareth Barry (Man City)

Frank Lampard (Chelsea)

Scott Parker (Tottenham)

Ashley Young (Man United)

James Milner (Man City)

Strikers:

Wayne Rooney (Man United)

Danny Welbeck (Man United)

Andy Carroll (Liverpool)

Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)

My projected first XI:

Hart

Johnson       Terry        Cahill          Cole

Walcott         Parker      Gerrard       Young 

Rooney        Defoe

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